CONTENTS

• JUST VISITING
• FEATURE ARTICLE:
  LIKE FATHER LIKE SON
  

  Just Visiting

  Next Sunday is "Father's Day" in the United States. Even though we've been celebrating Father's Day for more than a century, it did not become an official United States holiday until 1972. We used to honor dads by giving them neckties on Father's Day, although neckties are fading from style. I counted four at church last Sunday. Probably most dads would prefer a fishing lure, a set of golf balls, or a barbecue tool, but we don't really need anything. It's enough to know that you love us.

  We expect to spend at least part of this Father's Day with some of our children. We're gathering for multiple graduations this weekend. Such occasions of celebration strengthen the bonds of family.

  Today I'm sharing some thoughts on the father's challenge to be a role model. I hope you'll find it helpful.

  Norman

  * * * * *
  LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON

  by Norman Bales

  "You're a lot like your daddy." Those words were spoken to me many years ago by a man who was not favorably impressed with my behavior. It was his way of confronting me about some of my shortcomings. As much as I wanted to deny his implication, honesty forced me to admit that he was correct.

  My father left a deep impact on my life. Although he has been dead for twenty years, his influence can be seen in the way I talk, the way I think, the way I interact with people, and my attitudes toward life. The man who was trying to get me to examine my faults was not wrong in his assessment of my father. Like all other men, he had virtues and vices. In my judgment, however, the virtues outweighed the vices. Maybe he overdid it, but he held me accountable for my behavior. As I type these words, I am looking at a picture of him. He stands erect, wearing a cowboy hat with his hands on his hip, appearing ready to dogmatically assert any of the opinions he held on various subjects. I feel blessed by having been molded by his tutelage.

  In the midst of the ancient stories about Israel, there's an interesting fatherhood comment about the life of Amaziah, king of Judah. "He did what was right in the eyes of the LORD, but not as his father David had done. In everything he followed the example of his father Joash" (2 Kings 14:3). David, who was a father several generations removed, is viewed as a father, and his immediate male parent is described with the same term. While he is viewed in a positive light on the one hand, his shortcomings are also emphasized. The next verse goes on to say that the high places (where sacrifices to idols took place) were not removed. Fatherly influence flowed in two different directions.

  It's the same way with us. As fathers we need to ask ourselves, "What kind of legacy do we leave behind for others?" None of us are going to leave a perfect footprint for our sons and daughters to follow. Samuel Osherson wrote, "We know that the boy is searching deeply throughout his childhood, beginning around age 3 for a masculine model on which to build his sense of self" (Finding our Fathers pp. 5-6). He goes on to cite a study involving 71 men who sought the help of a psychologist. In responding to a survey on their experience with their fathers, only 15 per cent of them believed their fathers interacted appropriately with their sons. Unfortunately most of the others were either absent, passive, disinterested, austere, or moralistic. Like it or not we end up learning from the example of our fathers, and tend to imitate their parenting styles. If not, we may go to the extreme in the opposite direction. For example a person, who resents an austere father, may adopt a passive parenting style.

  Fathers also play an important role in the lives of their daughters, but it's a neglected emphasis. While parenting is a popular subject these days, little is being said about a father's relationship to his daughter. We're beginning to see father-son books, which are greatly needed, but emphasis on improving father-daughter relationships is lacking. Most fathers probably don't realize how much of an impact their example has on their daughters. A father's example influences the way his daughter sees herself. It also has a lot to do with academic and career success, with her development of attitudes toward sex, with her ability to trust men, and with the way she expresses anger.

  Girls often enter into an explosive conflict with their mothers during adolescence. Fathers have an opportunity to bring about a reduction in hostility by seeing both sides of the clash.

  As a father and a grandfather, I'm aware of the fact that my example can have an influence on people who live several generations after me. I wonder if I'm going to like it, however, when somebody down the road confronts one of my descendants and says, "You're just like your daddy."

  * * * * *

  If you have questions about marriage and family relationships, you can " ASK THE COUNSELOR" Address your questions to Mikal Frazier. Her address is mikal@allaboutfamilies.org

  Norman's e-mail address: nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org
  Tell your friends they can subscribe by sending a blank message to subscribe@welovegod.org.
  If you would like to be taken off this newsletter mailing list please send a blank message to
  unsubscribe@welovegod.org
  

  Southern Hills Church of Christ
  9080 Southwood Drive
  Shreveport, Louisiana 71118
  (318) 686-2190
  

  E-mail:
  Norman Bales: Norman's e-mail address: nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org
  Ann Bales: ann@allaboutfamilies.org
  Mikal Frazier: mikal@allaboutfamilies.org
  "Jim Bales"jbales@prcoc.org
  Web:allaboutfamilies.org
  allaboutfamilies.org/sh
  

  * * * * *