July 2, 2008
Norman Bales, Editor
CONTENTS
- JUST VISITING
- FEATURE ARTICLE:
Challenges Facing a Retired CoupleJust Visiting
We don't take a negative view of old age, but we think much of our culture does. I recently celebrated my 73rd birthday. At this point in life, we are in reasonably good health, and we have both stamina and enthusiasm for life. I'm amazed at the way septuagenarians are ignored by younger people in our culture. In previous historical times, older people were thought to be a community resource, even fountains of wisdom. Today, they are a problem. I was reminded just how much my opinion mattered when a lady called me to tell me that she was taking a survey on radio station listening. She ran through several age categories, and finally got to 64 and above. I informed her that I belonged in that category. She said, "Thank you, Mr. Bales" and hung up the phone. I wanted to say, "Just a minute, don't you think old people listen to the radio." If she wanted to sell things on the radio, did she think none of us has any money? No wonder we don't have any easy listening stations.
When it comes to conversations about the elderly, most people want to talk about our safety. They're afraid we're going to fall. Certainly, that's a possibility, and I'm not excited about the possibility of walking around with the aid of a walker. I did that for several weeks last winter, and it was not fun. Nevertheless, safety is not my number one issue. Keeping my marriage alive ranks pretty high, and that's what we want to visit with you about this week.
Norman
* * * * * CHALLENGES FACING A RETIRED COUPLE by Norman and Ann Bales
If things proceed as currently planned, we will both be completely retired within the next two months. Ann spent more than forty years as a nurse before health problems sent her into retirement. Norman just celebrated his 73rd birthday and within the next few weeks will complete 51 continuous years of service on ministerial staffs of several churches in various capacities.
Are we looking forward to it? Yes and no. We are faced with new challenges, new opportunities, and new fears. For us, it means a change of residence, a change of schedule, and a long walk into the unknown. In this article, we want to identify some of the challenges we face. Perhaps some of our readers have faced some of the same challenges and met them successfully. If so, we will appreciate you input. As we see it now, our challenges include:
- Learning how to live on less income. When Norman went into partial retirement a few years ago, he received a note from our friend, Dale Smith. Dale said, "Retirement is great if you don't starve." Many retired people are trying to make it on social security alone, which was never intended to supply all of our economic needs. According to the US Census Bureau 12.3% of the population lives below the poverty level. While we don't expect to live below the poverty level, we can expect our wallets to be thinner.
- Boredom. An internet blogger wrote, "There are 3 things you can't escape in life: 1) death 2) taxes 3) boredom in marriage." The temptation to settle into long established routines increases with retirement. While one can find books, and internet suggestions with titles like "Keeping Marriage Alive After Fifty" we're still looking for the one titled "Keeping Marriage Alive After Seventy." It's tempting to think there are no new challenges, no new goals, no new adventures to be experienced. When individuals stop growing, so do their relationships. Instead of being the golden years, they become frustrating years.
- Life Changes. Joanne Austin of Washington State University Cooperative Extension noted, "Never before have so many couples been married long enough to experience such a variety of life-changes that occur in the later stages of marriage." Amazingly, people seem to be the most resistant to change at this age. Why do we need Blackberries? No, we're not talking about the fruit that grows on a prickly vine? We think we can survive just fine without learning how to text. Why do we keep thinking that everything new is better? We reluctantly gave up the car we've driven for the last seven years (after somebody ran into it). Now we've got a rougher riding, less comfortable automobile. Don't tell us that all change is good. But it also makes us wonder just when will we have to give up driving. We're already faced with giving up home ownership, and living in smaller quarters. It's not that we have a right to all these things, but these changes require adjustments, and it's a challenge. We've also got to figure out how we adjust to the change of spending a lot more time together.
- Health Concerns. In our case it means changing physicians, health care providers and supplementary insurance. All that's going to cost more even as income goes down. On top of that our bodies continually remind us that we are in a state of slow physical decline. We tire easily, and things like respiratory infections seem to have a lengthier recovery time.
- Changes in Our Physical Features. Long ago we learned an old folks' song that includes the following lyrics
My face is a well-written page, Maggie,
As spray by the white breakers flung,
But to me, you're as fair as you were, Maggie
When you and I were young.That's somewhere between a lie and self-delusion. One pundit put it this way, "At my age, a mirror is a lethal weapon." I (Norman) am not the man that Ann married. While I never was a candidate for a leading role in movies, there was a time when I had smoother skin, more hair, and fewer pounds. I (Ann) am not the woman Norman married. I was a lot thinner, no gray hair and have the need for a lot more Mary Kay creams to keep my skin smooth and not wrinkled. (In my case, that is called vanity). I keep telling myself that I just want to stay attractive for the wonderful man I married. Our challenge is to learn how to accept and even admire these changing physical characteristics.
- Maintaining our Spiritual Growth. It's easy to become smug, and think you've gained all the spiritual knowledge and achieved all the spiritual formation you can reasonably accept to accomplish in this life. Our challenge is to remain in a growth mode until our eyes close in death. As long as we're together we have the opportunity to reinforce our mutual growth as God's children. As Paul said, "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day"
(2 Corinthians 4:16).
* * * * * If you have questions about marriage and family relationships, you can " ASK THE COUNSELOR" Address your questions to Mikal Frazier. Her address is mikal@allaboutfamilies.org
Norman's e-mail address: nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org
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Shreveport, Louisiana 71118
(318) 686-2190E-mail:
Norman Bales: Norman's e-mail address: nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org
Ann Bales: ann@allaboutfamilies.org
Mikal Frazier: mikal@allaboutfamilies.org
"Jim Bales"jbales@prcoc.org
Web:allaboutfamilies.org
allaboutfamilies.org/sh* * * * * - Learning how to live on less income. When Norman went into partial retirement a few years ago, he received a note from our friend, Dale Smith. Dale said, "Retirement is great if you don't starve." Many retired people are trying to make it on social security alone, which was never intended to supply all of our economic needs. According to the US Census Bureau 12.3% of the population lives below the poverty level. While we don't expect to live below the poverty level, we can expect our wallets to be thinner.