Perceptions #200109

"When You Think You Need To Correct Someone"

by Norman Bales

Many years ago Deems Taylor was a radio network news personality. His job was to make comments about the music during the intermission of performances by the New York Philharmonic Orchestra. After a certain broadcast, Mr. Taylor received a note from a listener. She said, "you are a liar, a traitor, a snake and a moron." He read the note on the air and commented, "I have a suspicion that she didn't care for my talk." The next week he got another letter from the same lady, who expressed the unaltered opinion that he was "still a liar, a traitor, a snake and a moron." Anytime you engage in a public function, you inevitably expose yourself to those who think they need to correct you. Mr. Taylor's experience illustrates the fact that you aren't going to win some people over regardless of what you do.

All of us have to deal with criticism at one time or another. It's as inevitable as death and taxes. Some people will tell you that you need to let it go in one ear and out the other. That's often good advice, but it can be very difficult to follow. Criticism hurts and we don't like to be hurt.

Sometimes I hear people try to make a difference between "constructive" and "destructive" criticism. I'm not sure that "constructive criticism" exists. I may think of it as "constructive" if I'm giving it, but I rarely, if ever, regard it that way when I'm on the receiving end. I have an idea that most people probably view it the same way. I agree with a psychologist's comments on the subject. With regard to constructive criticism, he said, "Baloney is baloney any way you slice it." And did you know that the word "criticism" doesn't appear in the Bible.

Criticism is a very explosive behavior that often has far-reaching and disastrous consequences. It discourages more than it helps. Am I saying that we should never correct another person? Absolutely not. I would suggest that "criticism" is a somewhat nebulous term (witness the "destructive/constructive" debate). Correction on the other hand is a precise term and is Biblically mandated. (See 1 Timothy 5:20; 2 Timothy 4:2; Titus 1:13; 2:15 and Revelation 3:19).

If you feel the need to correct someone, it is important to observe the following principles.

• Examine yourself first. Remember how Jesus talked about looking for a speck of sawdust in your brother's eye, when there's a plank obstructing your own vision. We need to be careful about making negative judgments of others. It may reveal more about us than it does them.

• Make sure you're part of the solution and not part of the problem. If you think the folks who are doing the work of the church are going about it all wrong, before you say anything, you need to ask yourself this question. "Am I willing to walk the walk or do I just want to talk the talk?"

• When you correct others, be respectful. James suggests that it's a serious blunder to praise God and curse men (James 3:9-10).

• Don't overcorrect. We've read much about the recent death of Dale Earnhardt at the Daytona Speedway. Some observers say that when he swerved into the path of Kenny Schrader's car, he overcorrected and collided with the wall at nearly 200 miles an hour. At that kind of speed, it would probably be impossible not to overcorrect. Nevertheless overcorrecting proved to be fatal. We have much more control over our correction of others. But we can speak at 200 plus words a minute and when you're on a roll you're tempted to overcorrect. You're tempted to go for the jugular with exaggerated rhetoric. In a moment's time you can tear apart a relationship that took years to build. You may even be rather proud of yourself at the moment. You knew how to turn the exact phrase that got beneath the skin of the person you intended to correct. In that moment, you feel a sense of victory and accomplishment. You have completely destroyed all pretension and disabled all the defense mechanisms. Only later do you realize you've destroyed a relationship. If you do that too often to too many people, you're going to live a very lonely life.

top of page    previous article    Perceptions Index