Perceptions #200407

THERAPISTS SAY . . .

by Joel Solliday

The cover of Newsweek (July 12, 2004) featured this headline: "The New Infidelity; . . . More Wives Are Cheating Too."

So, female infidelity is on the rise. Newsweek's cover story accounted for this on several levels: Current laws are friendlier to wives who cheat, friends are more sympathetic, technology helps facilitate affairs and taboos are crumbling. Also, academic elevation and economic equality are empowering adultery. And so, apparently, are some therapists.

The descriptive Newsweek article offered little to foster reflection on moral responsibility. It mostly told tantalizing stories about middle-aged married women on the cheat. The reader gets the idea that husbands sure seem boring these days. The down- side of infidelity (like the up-side of fidelity) was not so newsworthy.

Newsweek floated the claim (a second hand quote) that an affair can "protect a marriage" in a similar way that a break can foster productivity at work.

How does adultery affect children? Listen to a Newsweek journalist:

"Therapists say kids don't care whether it's Mom or Dad who fools around--all they care about is knowing they're safe and that their lives remain stable."

As my Mom used to say, "Oh reeeeeally?"

Here's how Newsweek drew their story to a close:

"The good news is that the wounds inflicted on a family by a woman's infidelity are not always critical. Therapists say couples often can-and do--get past it. Sometimes the husband sees it as a wake-up call to renew his efforts to be more attentive... [and] as an opportunity to air grievances and soothe old hurts."

My advice (to take or leave): Cancel your Newsweek subscription and be careful of "therapists."

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POST SCRIPT:

A Christian therapist read the article above and offered some fair defense for his profession. He compared the survival of a marriage after an affair with a "near-death experience." Getting past it can be a good thing and, in his words, "you might appreciate life a little better after it." However, he said, "I do not go around prescribing near-death experiences."

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